The Search

NF 2019.09.03 131
"Hey, Nate, how's life?"
I don't know, it's alright
I've been dealin' with some things
like every human being
And really didn't sleep
much last night (last night)
"I'm sorry", that's fine
I just think I need a little me time
I just think I need a little free time
Little break from the shows
and the bus rides (bus rides), yeah
Last year I had a breakdown
Thoughts tellin' me
I'm lost gettin' too loud
Had to see a therapist
then I found out
Somethin' funny's
goin' on up in my house
Yeah, started thinkin'
maybe I should move out
You know, pack my car
take a new route
Clean up my yard, get the noose out
Hang up my heart, let it air out (air out)
I've been searchin'
"What does that mean, Nate?"
I've been learning
Grabbin' my keepsakes
leavin' my burdens
Well, I brought a few with me
I'm not perfect
Lookin' at the view like
this concerns me
Pickin' up the cues, right?
I'm quite nervous
Hate it when I lose sight,
life gets blurry
And things might hurt me
It's prolly gonna be a long journey
but hey (but hey)
It's worth it, though
Cold world out there, kids
grab your coats
Been a minute, I know
now I'm back to roam
Lookin' for the antidote to crack the code
Pretty vivid, I admit it
I'm in classic mode
Don't need pity given to me
but I can't condone
Talkin' down to me
I'ma have to crack your nose
for crackin' jokes
I'm lookin' for the map to hope
you seen it? (You seen it?)
Been makin' a whole lot of changes
Wrote a song about that
you should play it
I get scared when I walk on these stages
I look at the crowd and see
so many faces, yeah
That's when I start to get anxious
That's when my thoughts
can be dangerous
That's when I put on my makeup
and drown in self-hatred
Forget what I'm saying, and
Where'd the beat go?
Oh, ain't that somethin'?
Drums came in, you ain't see that comin'
Hands on my head, can't tell me nothin'
Got a taste of the fame
had to pump my stomach
Throw it back up like I don't want it
Wipe my face, clean off my vomit
OCD, tryna push my buttons
I said don't touch it, now y'all done it
I can be critical, never typical
Intricate with every syllable
I'm a criminal
Intimate, but never political
pretty visual
Even if you hate it, I'll make it feel like
you're in it, though
You call me what you wanna
but never call me forgettable
Leave you deep in thought
I could never swim in the kiddie pool
Way that I been thinkin'
is cinematic, it's beautiful
Man, I don't know if I'm makin' movies
or music videos (videos, videos, videos)
Yeah, the sales can rise
Doesn't mean much though
when your health declines
See, we've all got somethin'
that we trapped inside
That we try to suffocate
you know, hopin' it dies
Try to hold it underwater
but it always survives
Then it comes up out of nowhere
like an evil surprise
Then it hovers over you
to tell you millions of lies
You don't relate to that?
Must not be as crazy as I am
The point I'm makin'
is the mind is a powerful place
And what you feed it can affect
you in a powerful way
It's pretty cool, right? Yeah
but it's not always safe
Just hang with me
this'll only take a moment, okay?
Just think about it for a second
if you look at your face
Every day when you get up
and think you'll never be great
You'll never be great
not because you're not, but the hate
Will always find a way to cut you up
and murder your faith (woo!)
I am developin'
take a look at the benefits
Nothin' to meddle with
I can never be delicate
Am I even relevant? That depends
how you measure it
Take a measurement, then bag it up
and give me the evidence
It's pretty evident
dependable can never be tentative
I'm a gentleman
depending on if I think you're genuine
Pretty elegant
but not afraid to tell you to get a grip
Proper etiquette, I keep it to myself
when I celebrate, ah (ah)
It's that time again
Better grab your balloons
and invite your friends
Seat belts back on, yeah, strap 'em in
Look at me, everybody, I'm smilin' big
On a road right now that I can't predict
Tell me "Tone that down, "
but I can't resist
Y'all know that sound
better raise your fist
The search begins
I'm back, so enjoy the trip, huh
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