Carnival

Livingston 2020.11.11 30
I wish I was a couple years older
Couple years wiser
Just so I could know your heart

But I know that it would 
still confuse me anyway

I felt just a few degrees colder
Ever since the day you left

Spare my soul
Now I can still feel the 
pieces of my youth just stripped away

What is life but a merry go round
Just circling doubts living up in my head
I know that they want me dead

Keep me up when I try to stay down
I try to forget all the things that they said
But they won’t let me go

I try to fall asleep
But they won’t let me dream
I just hope some day we’ll come to terms

I’m falling underneath
And I try so hard to breathe
As this roller coaster kills me

So this goes out to the
 mind games in my head
You raise hell every night
 inside of my bed
I don’t know where you came from
But I won’t play your carnival no more

I wish I was just a little stronger
So they wouldn’t beat me up
But they did

I can still feel the mulch that they 
kicked at me pierce my hope

So I dusted off my shoulders and then
Told myself that I could prove it to them
Just trying to justify the 
first taste of feeling low

I try to fall asleep
But they won’t let me dream
I just hope some day 
we’ll come to terms

I’m falling underneath
And I try so hard to breathe
As this roller coaster kills me

So this goes out to the 
mind games in my head
You raise hell every 
night inside of my bed
I don’t know where you came from
But I won’t play your carnival no more
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