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Professional Rapper

Truman

Lil Dicky Truman - Professional Rapper
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Hey, man, man
Hey, hey

I guess y'all on board
Young Man couldn't leave
that shore
Had the life they made
for him 'til he seeked out more
Boat rock, couldn't
see that storm
Held it up, dawg
He know he close
It's too late to jump ship (Hey)

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You that motherfucker shit
I know
This here became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb,
but you can feel it
when I kick it, I know
And you too must be
rockin' with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm goin' crazy
I'm just prayin', I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

I saw the world like, "Hold up"
Damn near fakin' on the side
Let me take you on a ride
Let me tell you bout the
one who couldn't
take the 9 to 5
Use to take the 95 down
to Richmond
Bumpin' Jigga up in the ride
Use to think along and drive
'Bout my drive
Used to wonder why
Used to wonder
when the world'l see
like I'm seein' mine
Use to whine
Use to wanna shine
Used to wanna dine
Used to talk to bitches
in my mind when
they were walkin' by
"Girl, what's happenin'?
Girl what's happenin'?"
I ain't really 'bout to get
involved that's
what's happenin'
Errything I knew was
unevolved like a Baptist
Layin' on my matress
Prayin' I could have this, and
Now when I get
Tinder matches
They think
they've been Catfished
Now I been controlling
how we livin' like a facist
Now I got this weight up off
my shoulders like a strapless
Remember this shit was hapless
Remember the day it happened
Aw, you the shit Dave,
you be killin' everything you did
Got the whole world talkin'
all about what you did
Got your old girl talkin'
all about what you is
Got your old world lookin'
like it's his you ain't here
I been fuckin' for the fuck of it
And one of the bitches
I been fuckin' with
Been wondering
how I can work this much
and stomach it
She wonders what I want from it
I said, "We don't gotta get into it"
She like "Nah, just do it"
She a psychology student
She always followin' up
Find the guy to be
amusing as fuck
Usually I'll answer her truthfully
But truthfully,
I'm unusually used to being
unusually good at internalizing
when music is not provided
But I humor hoe
Ask her if she ever saw the
Truman Show
She like yeah
I like well, when
I saw that shit I was convinced
I was livin' like Jim
A similar situation
where I was the basis
of everyone's entertainment
Like really up in the basement
talkin to y'all
In the mirror because
I thought Lil David
was some American hero
I know it's selfish and all
But I just felt it's my call
I was a ten year old then
By 2010 I was wrong
I'm like

"Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You the motherfucker though"
I know
That shit became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb,
but you can feel it
when I kick it, I know
And you too must be rockin'
with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm goin' crazy
I'm just playin', I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

Twenty three bars up
in my apartment
I am debarred
Gotta do this shit
I gotta recharge
But I gotta be smart
Movin' up that ladder company
Star, fuck it, that ain't nothin'
I am *the* star
Spittin' like a retard
Work was like a prison
I'm just seein' bars
My boss was all up
in my camp
And I'm just seein' Lars
I been a heavyweight,
Muhammad Ali
And if he can mold
that out of "Clay"
Then I can turn the Lil D
So now I'm snappin'
like I'm Truman
But off and on
There's always
somethin' in the way
I should be often gone
Girl I'm sorry if this draggin'
I just need you to imagine
Bein' stuck up on the land
without a captain
When everyday is average
And everyday you feelin'
like a captive
And feel like somethin'
seriously lackin'
And then you fear
what could happen
if you just leave it
on the table like napkins
But, yo, you really fearin'
hitting them rappin's
and leaving everything behind
Cause you don't know
what that horizon brings
But girl you gotta know
what kind of fish you is
Survival instinct kicked in
Sink or swim
I flipped a playlist
Quit my day gig
Now, I'm on a boat,
Lonely Island
Irony, and you still
been tryin' to figure
how I work this tirelessly
But girl
This is everything I've thought
This for everything I've fought
This for who I am to me
becomes to y'all

(Go)
They tellin' me "nah"
But I just be tellin'
them "yeah" (Go)
I just be tellin'
them "yeah" (Go)
I just be tellin'
them "yeah"
Tell 'em I'm gone (Yeah)
I just pretend I ain't scared (Go)
Don't even know
I was there (Go)
Don't even know
if I care
Cause girl this is
Truman approachin' the wall
Until I'm me I am nothin' at all
Until I'm free
I will not see beyone
I had to be who
I was all along
Ay [crash]

I think I mighta broke it down
Hoppin' on the fuckin' steps
like ain't no around
Open up that door,
you bet, ship ain't goin' down
Guess the only thing
left is to take a bow

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You that motherfucker shit
I know
This ship became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb,
but you can feel it
when I kick it, I know
And you too must be
rockin' with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm goin' crazy
I'm just prayin', I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

(Just I know) Fuck!
(Just I know (echo))
That felt good
Well, that's all I got
The show is over, as they say

Honestly, I just think
that part in the Truman Show
where his boat hits the wall
is really the exact
Moment that I'm at
in my own life right now
Uh metaphorically, of course
And I'm ready for - I think
I'm read for it
Like I've been thinkin'
about it, I think I'm ready
I mean, if I'm being completely
transparent with y'all
Uh, like my lifestyle hasn't
really changed that much
Uh, you know, considering,
uh, where I think
I'm at musically
Like I'm still at the point
right now where
pretty much any bitch
that tweets at me
anything remotely flirtatious
I have seen not just one
of your pictures, I have
seen the entire catalog
That's the type of shit
that's goin' down over
here right now, so...
I am definitely ready for
that, uh, next step, y'know
what I'm sayin'?
I think it's close, too
I think it's close
Like, uh, Diddy tweeted
about me
Uh, y'know, that I don't know
if he handles his own Twitter
I would assume
he probably doesn't, actually
But, like, I'm so confident
that I feel as though
like, me and Diddy will
have a moment just
about this outro
Like when we're both
sittin' next to each
other smokin' cigars
And bein' like, "Ay,
remember when you said
that shit on that outro?"
Like, and I'm like,
"Yeah. That's,
this is the exact moment
I - I did that for, y'know
what I'm sayin'?"

Bring the - bring the beat
back up. I don't know why
Like, keep, loop everything
I wanna be talkin'
for minutes, yeah, uh,
y'know what I'm sayin'?

Like, uh, shout out
my Macbook Pro
Had that shit since '09
I made my first song
ever on it
Like, when I called myself
Lil Dicky
I made my, like, fuckin'
album song on that shit
And we survived, baby

Uh, shoutout
Allen Iverson, Larry David,
Will Smith, and Kobe Bryant
For makin' me the man
that I am today
Both on and off the court

Shout out my mother
What a great woman
She's so mad I recorded these conversations
She - she honestly went crazy
It took so much convincing
to allow this
But, she's awesome
She's adapting to
the rap game, as we all are

Look, I just want to get this
to a place where
I can sell TMZ pictures of
my actual asshole
Heh, y'know?
Cause, well, I, I think
that'd be such a feat
If I could actually create,
like, an alt alias
And sell TMZ pictures of
my own asshole
Like, profit off of that
That, I would totally do it
I don't know why
Seth Rogen's not
already doing it
I don't, I'm seein' the signs
that it's not, I'm
I think I'm seein' the signs
I hope I am
If I'm really just misreading
all these signs
Then, I am 100%
gonna have, like,
a legitimate nervous breakdown
Uh, at some point very soon
So, we'll find out about that
But I see some signs
Like, like I really am
not fuckin' that much
But, like, the other day
I did fuck a bitch to music
Like, I fucked a bitch
to some Miguel
And that's kind of new
for me if I'm bein' real
Like, I had never actually
done it before
But I was feelin'
like I was some king shit
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
So, I was like, "Man, Imma
fuck this bitch to some
Miguel right now"
Uh, actually to be completely
real to you, I
I will never fuck
a girl to music again
I found the whole thing
to feel, like, completely cliche
Like, I don't need
my emotions dictated
to me by, like, music
It makes me feel like
I'm in a TV scene
Takes all the, like,
realness out of
the moment for me
Like, actually, was
actually super weirded out by it

So, but still, like,
I am about to
let my hair down
And, I don't know,
I just feel like it's all comin'
I feel like, like, I'm literally,
like, about to find out
about everything
And it's exciting
And, I, y'know, I,
I had pinkeye last week
And I remember thinkin'
that, as I, like, was like,
real down
Cause I was, like,
trying to keep recording
and shit
But I was thinking,
"What would Michael
Jordan do?"
And he would play
through the pinkeye
So that's why I'm in here
I'm still not fully recovered,
y'know what I'm sayin'?
I, I'm definitely clearin' up
Like, it's totally on the upswing
But, I just want you know
I did record this shit t
hrough pinkeye

Alright, I could talk
for fuckin' years
Legitimate years
This is an outro to an out
You see how long I talk
with outros to songs
But, goddamn
Look, I need to get out of here
I'm 'bout to go take a Khalifa
Rest up
That's right, I did invent
that phrase just there
"Take a Khalifa"
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
I also invented "That's
what she said"
But I get no credit for it
Uh, oh, shoutout to
Dickheads, obviously
Fundin' this whole operation
Whatchu know
about a Kickstarter, man?
Whatchu know
about the best fans
in the world?
Seriously
Thank you guys, I appreciate it
Honestly, you made
my dreams come true,
and that's fact
Couldn't have done this
without y'all
Uh, I'd like to shoutout my dick
I know, y'know,
we haven't had
the smoothest relationship
But, I feel as though
by kind of putting
our issues out there
Like, we have become
something bigger
than we could have
become otherwise
And, hopefully soon
you will be rewarded
for your patience
And I will be rewarded
for my patience
I, and, I respect you
I'd like to shoutout my brain
My brain got the hardest
verse on the whole
goddamn album
I hope my brain starts
gettin' some feature looks
But he don't just hop on shit

Fuck, I, I got nothin' left
I'm out
I'm a professional rapper
Long live LD
And in case I don't see ya
"Good afternoon,
good evening, and goodnight"