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iridescence

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I can barely rap I can barely dance
I can barely laugh I can barely hang
I want a male stripper
to do a belly dance
For me and my boyfriend
that's entertainment
And I'm drunk as fuck niggas tuxed up
I need a reason to get my bucks up
I need a reason to care about society
They need a good enough
reason just to hire me
But honestly you see
my mom can't walk
And her lungs don't work
like they used to
I feel like it's
my fault 'cause of music
I be saying shit that's so fucking
rude and untrue and
But truthfully the words had damage
and it's cruel to me
But even more cruel to be
Dissing you in front of niggas
that pay to hear me
Sometimes I be wondering
why I been tripping off it
I should probably spend my time
Writing rhymes
in the dentist's office
That's killing
two birds in one stone
When I was younger
way before I was grown
I wanted a deal with Death
Row or Rhymesayers
I'm saving my time for mics later
I might save it depending
on the shit that y'all write later
I hate writers I hate tweets
I hate journalists
They hate truth they hate peace
They want my niggas to burn with us
Flicking on the face of my wrist watch
Watch the time stop just to speed up
watch life unfold
And between the tick-tocks
speeding down the one-way
Fuck these signs fuck these lights
put my life on the line
When it feel right I'm fine no
I'm not lyin' don't ask me
I'll pay the fine I'll pay the toll
just hope I don't crash it
But hey if I do it
will be a blaze of glory
Engulfed by the manifestation
of death behind me
All my life I've felt inadequate
And through the years
I've dealt with
Tragedy after tragedy God
send a message
Send a messenger my way
never claimed to be a saint
Forgive me
Feel like the light that
I was blessed with has diminished
I'm haunted by the visions
of my youth turned true
I've come to expect
my expectations aren't true
But I'm a master of believing my lies
And you can't break me
and I can't brake
at the speed of light
I'm afraid to share the bed
what if she want money later
Like she got laid off uh
hit my lawyer for some paper
I'm afraid to speak my pains like
You lucky where you at
You cool but quit complaining
'bout all that
That's why I'm showing up late
I'm not tryna be a dick
but my time is not to waste
For myself for the small talk
with my sensei
Where my sense at
Four-cylinder go round
Lincoln Town Car pick me up
Drop me off
I got bubble under my biceps
sneak me into the sidestep
Ego is getting sized up
I be on butterfly effect
Fuck it I'll be myself now
tell 'em I take no shit now
Tell 'em they work for me now
tell 'em my tears they bleed down
Tell 'em I work like what
what time for me now
Wondering who is me now
wondering where you been now
Lose you in crowds I see now
14 I see 'em all inside of me now
Bank account with less fees now
make it from ways to feed now
Thinking of ways to be everything
but right now
It's crazy how things feel
the best when reminiscing
'til we check ourselves
It's crazy how people who
left say they feeling left out
when we step for health
Still accustomed to nights
filled with solitude
I don't always remember
to call goodnight
I don't always remember my altitude
I don't always remember
to stop the fight
But I might
Check my sight it ain't right
Yeah I know but my strife
overwhelms every night
Until I'm forced to close my eyes
Brain disease parasite
eating me from inside
Emotions bleed I can't believe
How I'm slipping through the night